Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Praying for a Miracle Today

Today is the day we've anticipated for a very long time.  Today was supposed to be our first ultrasound since finding out we were pregnant.  Today was supposed to be the day that Sam joined us as we found out the sex of the baby.  Today was just supposed to be normal.

And I am fighting like crazy to make this day everything we wanted it to be and everything Sam has looked forward to.

Because this is Sam's baby.

This is the baby he has prayed for.  While Scott and I had become content with our family of three, the only tears I ever shed were when Sam would be sad about not having his own brother or sister, his own "always home and ready to play" friend.  That's when I cried. And Sam just kept on praying.  So we've joked all along that this was his baby, that he got me into this wonderfully surprising condition through all his prayers and his heart's desire.

 I'm also praying desperately and humbly for a miracle.

I'm pretty sure that both of my doctors did not think we'd make it to this day.  But my little fighting angel has sure showed them!  And come what may after today, at least we made it this far.

While I am also preparing myself for what seems inevitable, I can't help but hold onto faith and the fact that God has blessed me with a life beyond anything I'd ever imagined. Surely he can bestow one more blessing upon me.  Before two weeks ago, I've always refused to ask God for anything for myself.  I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  I pray for strength and serenity and I pray for friends and have no problems asking for specific things for them. Just not for myself.  But in the last two weeks, I have prayed and begged for a miracle that only He can deliver.  I have prayed for the life of my child.

Nothing would make me happier than to walk out of today's ultrasound with some small bit of evidence that things were improving.

So, in a few hours we shall see.

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