2. Becoming the Wife I Want to Be

I don’t think Scott would complain about me as a wife, but I put way more energy into being a mom than being a wife, and I’m just not satisfied with that anymore.

Many, many moons ago, when Scott and I were dating (1992-1997) and early in our marriage before Sam came along (1997-2006), I was a pretty good other half.  I spent lots of time being creative with gifts and taking extra special care of my honey (i.e. LOTS of back scratching).  But now that I’m a mama, Scott’s lucky if I even remember special occasions, let alone come up with a good gift idea!  The best I can come up with is one of those long handled back scratchers!!!  It’s funny to me that he now comes up with the most thoughtful presents and that he’s the romantic one in this relationship.  My slightly competitive side will be seeking to change that this year!

 

God knows I love my son more than my next breathe, but I most certainly want my husband to feel every bit as loved.  In fact, my goal this year will be to make him feel as loved as I feel everyday.  For him to know how proud I am of all that he does and for what he brings to our family.

So, for Valentine’s day, I’m torn between two ideas:

What do you think?

Yeah, I’m a little rusty. Well, at least I have a while to keep thinking.

Coming soon: 3.  Becoming the Mother I Want to Be

Frozen

Sunday afternoon, as the temperature was dropping fast and we were all getting ready for this snow and ice storm that has stopped us in our tracks, I saw him.  Just before I crossed the river, I happened to look over and saw a man sitting alone on a rock close to the riverbank.  I thought about him the rest of the day and hated myself just a little for not knowing how to help him.  I tried to reassure myself that surely he would be heading to shelter soon.  It was too cold to be out there.  Didn’t he know, couldn’t he tell that a big storm was coming?!  A million questions ran through my head the rest of the day about those who need help and who have no homes or shelters to protect them. 

Guilt over not helping him, and not even knowing how to help him continued to haunt me.  But eventually I forgot about him and busied myself with getting our own warm, comfortable home ready.

Until today.

Sam and I took Scott to his office this morning and just as we were coming off the bridge, I happened to look over and see the man sitting there…exactly as he had been three days ago.  It was unmistakably the same man, in the same position, and I was suddenly overwhelmed with guilt and worry. Sam and I drove to the police department to report that there was possibly a man frozen to death down by the river.  Sam and I talked a lot about it and he was sad for the man, too.  Rather than drive home to wait for a call that may never come, we drove back to the river and got there at about the same time as the police officer.  I pulled up behind his car and watched him walk all the way over to the man. 

You cannot understand the depths of my relief when the man looked up at the police officer.  My very first thought was a prayer to God for thanks that I didn’t kill the man by leaving him on Sunday and then I asked for forgiveness for so many things.

I waited for the officer to return to his car.  He told me that the man was fine.  This was just his favorite spot to sit so he gets up early to claim it. 

Whether that is true or not, all I know is that he is alive.  And that I will forever be changed.  Now, what to do about it.

(Disclaimer: I sure wish I could claim this picture, but I found it on Flickr!)

1. Becoming the Woman I Want to Be

I am NOT a dieter.  I have successfully lost weight only two times in my life.  One, I was pregnant and wanted nothing sweet.  Two, the summer I took ADD medication I wanted nothing to eat. Oh, how I loved both diets!  Lost about 25 pounds both times…and gained it right back and then some. 

As far as any other diet, I just can’t.  My ADD brain will not support it.  I could make a list in the morning of five foods I will not eat and sometime during lunchtime I’ll look down and realize I’m eating three of those foods.  Seriously. I’ve tried it.  Me and diets just don’t work well together.

So, my goal this year is twofold—a short and long-term goal. 

I do have a short-term goal of losing about 15 more pounds by March 9th.  Scott and I are going to Italy and I need to make some room in my clothes for all the scrumptious food and parmesan cheese I’ll be savoring.    I’ve already lost about 7 pounds but the next two months will be difficult.  I’ll be taking lots of hormones which keep my weight up and I’ll be struggling everyday to not drink a Coke.  (BTW, 4 of those pounds were lost over 4 days when Sam and I both had an appetite killing virus and I can’t explain the other 3 pounds!)

And finally, I am simply sick of worrying about it.  I will not let the thoughts consume me.  I will not diet.  Ever.  I will, however, work to make some important lifestyle changes over the year…mainly cutting down sugar.  And when the weather gets warm, we will get back to walking because that’s really the only exercise I enjoy. 

You see, about about 8 years ago, Scott and I met Joe, our hairdresser.  And meeting him changed my life.  I no longer worry about my hair.  I have not once walked in and said “I want ___.”  I simply walk in and let Joe do whatever he wants.  I trust him.  And not once have I been disappointed.  I am at peace with my hair.  Joe has taken one aspect of my life off of my plate so that I no longer have to concern myself with changing my hair or looking for the next best thing.

That peace, or acceptance, is exactly what I will be searching for this year in regards to my body and weight.  I want to be satisfied with myself.

Coming soon: 2. Becoming the Wife I Want to Be

UPDATE:  It turns out that May 6 is International No Diet Day.  Ha!  Seems women all around the world are sick of dieting, too!  There’s even a symbol:

Viva la Snow!!

We are LOVING being snuggled together at home today!  Daddy has already played outside with Sam, beating the freezing rain, and we have already enjoyed our snow cream!  Thank goodness that this time, we were home and had all the right snow gear!

Now, the only question that remains is  will we have another snow day tomorrow???  We say, bring it on!

Wednesdays are for Mama!

I just finished reading to Sam and bless his heart he always falls asleep during the last book.  But the first book we read tonight was Llama Llama Misses Mama about a little llama and his first day at school.  Sam and I talk a lot while we read together.  This was tonight’s conversation (oh, how I wish you could hear his sweet voice):

Me:  Sam, do you ever miss your mama, like Llama Llama misses his mama?

Sam: No.

Me: No?  (sniff, sniff)

Sam: No.

Me: Oh…that makes me a little sad.

Sam:  You should be happy, not sad.

Me:  But I miss you sometimes when I’m at school.

Sam: Oh. Well, I do miss you sometimes at Mimi’s house.

Me: You do?   (Yay!)

Sam: Yes, but I miss you on Wednesdays but not on Fridays.

Me:  Hey!  I’ll take that!

The Year of Me

Today, 1/1/11,  I turned 38.  And this year, more than any other, I truly do believe that the coming year is going to change my life in so many ways.  This is the year that…

…I will become the woman I want to be with the body that satisfies me.

…I will become the wife I want to be.

…I will become the mother I want to be.

…I will become the cook I want to be.

…I will become the photographer I want to be.

…I will become the blogger I want to be.

…I will become the teacher I want to be.

…I will become the friend I want to be.

…I will become the organizer I want to be.

…I will become the reader I want to be.

…I will become the creative soul I want to be.

…I will become the housekeeper I want to be.

…I will become the coupon master I want to be.

…I will become the money manager I want to be.

All my years so far have been spent exploring and dabbling and as I get dangerously close to 40, I have a strong desire to find myself and know myself deeply, to be the me I want to be.  I want to focus my ADD brain and all my energy on identifying the obstacles that hold me back and overcoming them.

This will be the year of me.