Monday, February 21, 2011

Why NOT me?

I have probably talked about it here before, but I am not nor have I ever been a “Why me?” sort of person.  I just don’t have that feeling in my heart.  If I had the energy right now, I’d scan a comic strip that I clipped in high school to share with you.  It’s one of those B.C. comic strips with one of the characters looking up asking “Why me?” and God (or whomever) replying “Why not you?”  And that is just simply how I choose to live my life. 

Even on a day like today.  A disappointing, heartbreaking day.

I had surgery this morning to retrieve eggs for another IVF.  The morning went well.  I can’t tell you how much I was looking forward to the anesthesia!  I like a good 20 minute nap and my hopes were that I would wake up and that stupid knot would be gone from my back.  It was!  But, when I woke up, I also learned that they were only able to retrieve two eggs.  That was not good news!  So when the nurse called a few hours later, I could only laugh a little when she regrettfully informed me that those two eggs didn’t fertilize.

So, folks, the train stops there. I won’t start injections and medications tomorrow like I expected.  I’m left exhausted and mildly crampy.  I did however get to drink a Coke!  Yay!  Didn’t think I’d have another Coke for a long time.

I’m sad, of course, but I know that there must be a purpose.

My heart is breaking for my husband, and for my son, and for my family.

Right now, I just want to love my husband and cuddle my son more tightly than ever. And sleep.  And cry a little. And as soon as I get off the painkillers, have a mojito.

Thank you for all the prayers that have lifted us up today.  I have felt the hugs across all the miles!  I have had my friends with me all day through texts!  And, when I have answers, you’ll have them.

3 comments:

dawn said...

Hey Sunny,
I feel for you, friend. You ARE an awesome mom and I know how your heartlongs for another child to be Sam's sibling. If this door has closed, I hope you and Scott are looking for the next open door. My cousin adopted a baby boy almost 3 years ago. He is precious! My cousin knew first hand the blessings of adoption. He too was adopted as a baby. Currently, I'm teaching a little girl who was adopted by her foster parents. She is SO loved and precious. Keep your chin up, girl. This isn't over:) I just know you will be a mommy to another precious child soon.
Love,
Dawn

Brenna said...

Oh Sunny,
I am so sorry! I know how difficult this is (we are about to start another IVF this summer)! My heart hurts to hear your news. You are an amazing mother and I admire you so much. I can only ask the Lord to show you the plans he has for you, plans for hope and a future! Take some time for yourself, to mourn this news and love your family! I will be praying for you!
Much Love,
Brenna

Elizabeth Goings said...

I love your "Sunny" spirit!!! You amaze me with your positive outlook on such a hard process. Holding Sam must be such an awesome reminder of how worth it all the pain is!!! I am praying for you and your sweet family!
Elizabeth