Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Doors

Part 1

About a year ago, I found myself standing in front of two doors. Good seemed to be directing me on a path I wasn’t sure I wanted but wasn’t about to obstruct (read here) and then he handed the decision over to me (read here). And since deciding to leave a job and relationships that I loved and valued greatly to come to my current school, I have not had one moment of regret. Even still, after yesterday, one of the most miserable days I can remember, I still have no regrets. I do, however, find myself looking for the next door to walk through…and I hate that. I’ve never wanted to leave a job. Me, the happiest, most patient person on Earth, I’ve never wanted to look for another job. Until now.

A choice had to be made. On one hand, a very logical, easy, thoughtful choice that would build relationships, inspire learning, build a strong team, and would serve the best interests of children. On the other hand…another option. The other option was chosen, against all recommendations, the directive came down, and a black cloud settled over my school.

And so, I will be looking for God to show me the next door.

And because I cannot handle the misery of the day much longer, I am going to lift myself up by writing a post that shares great news (for me!) and gushes shamelessly about my husband!

Part 2

I have to write about how wonderful My Honey is today, because he is doing something very special for me. He is making two dreams come true this summer.

The first, a new deck. We have lived in the house for 7 Summers. This will be Sam’s fourth Summer here. We LIVE in our backyard during the Summer, especially since Sam came along. I have not spent one minute out there without dreaming of a new deck. I have had a picture in my head for so long. Finally, this year we are able to make the new deck a reality. But here’s the “special husband” part. Scott didn’t flinch (very much) when I explained how the plans for the deck had expanded and I now wanted to wrap the deck around two trees. The deck is going to be huge! And wonderful! And functional! And built very soon!

The second, a studio. I’ve never even dared to dream this dream until about a week ago.

We have a huge storage shed in our very small backyard. In fact, being 22'X14'we actually call it our barn. Scott has to replace the bottom boards all the way around the barn, paint it,and replace one of the doors and the molding before we can build the deck. The deck will run alongside part of the barn. So this weekend, I cleaned everything out while Scott was away just in case he needed to access the inside walls. I started wondering recently if it would be possible to commandeer one corner of the barn, the corner with the window and one of the doors, and turn it into a room just for me--my woman cave. Still not having shared my vision with Scott, I shifted everything around while cleaning to show him how it would work. When he came home, I took him out and told him about my dream and the words "my studio" actually escaped my lips.

You see, this was actually a huge moment for me. but before I tell you why, let me tell you that Scott reacted perfectly. He completely supported me and the idea. And yes, I am totally surprised that he didn't balk at the workload or the money demands or the whole idea. Scott has never been one to sit around and dream with me. That just isn't him. But he took a walk with me and I was over the moon!

Oh, he loves me! He loves me, he loves me, he loves me!

So let me explain why the thought of having my very own studio has kept a smile plastered on my face for the past three days. I am coming to the realization lately that I am a very creative person. I don't think I'm a talented person. I can't paint or draw or otherwise create my visions, but oh, the the visions and ideas my head is starting to fill with. I am starting to find inspiration all around me, I just don't know what to do with it. I haven't found a niche. I'm not sure where to channel everything yet. I don't quite have a style...or a product...or a process. I'm an artist without a medium. I have so many interest and not enough time in the day. I truly feel like I am standing and looking at about ten different doors and I don't know which one to pass through. Do I have to choose? Can I dabble? Will I spread myself too thin? Is this a nightmare for my ADD brain or just what I need? Am I babbling? Yes. Am I excited? Beyond words! My head is just spinning with the possibilities! I get all warm inside imagining myself sitting inside my new studio, looking around and being inspired to do...whatever!

I look back over my life, and I have always collected things that have inspired me. I am SUCH a visual person. And I love anything graphic. My studio will become the place that reflects that and hopefully, I'll have the nerve to start reflecting that in my home design. I wish you could see the picture in my head. I can't wait to show you. For now, I'll just show you the pictures of my current studio, though I would have never called it that, not ever calling myself an artist before.

This is where everthing that inspires me is sadly crammed and hidden and where all of my supplies, tools, photos and memorabilia are organized. This is a closet in my house:

DSC_0212 DSC_0215 DSC_0214

And this is the first step in the creation of my all-new, very own studio. Scott spent Memorial Day replacing the door and frame so that he can do all the repair work on the barn today and hopefully paint this weekend. Hopefully we'll build the deck when we get back from the Bahamas. And hopefully, one day I'll figure out what kind of artist I want to be when I grow up. Any advice my artist friends can offer would be greatly appreciated. :)

DSC_0177DSC_0190

3 comments:

Jennifer Juniper said...

(stomping my feet and pouting) I want a studio!!!!

Okay, tantrum over - I'm so excited for you!!! What to do? How to channel this? Can you sew, paint, draw? You have a great grasp of color, so maybe try out some oils and work on some modern style paintings that focus on color rather than form to start.

I CAN'T WAIT to see what you come up with!

Brightfish said...

I have always imagined you in a studio! (BTW, I found your first post last night. Can you believe we met over a year ago???)

I imagine someone everything will be channeled digitally. the computer...I can handle. Though not perfect...I am a perfectionist when I create something and there is nothing like Ctrl-Z for undoing actions!

Sissy said...

I'm jealous! I have zero use for a studio as I don't have a creative hair on my head and I still want a studio. My husband is an amazing deck builder. I can't wait to get him started on redoing the 3 that are here at our new house. Can't wait to see how it all comes out. Post pics.